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Updated: Wednesday October 15, 2003

 

Chris Eisert

Erie, PA 1973 a unique individual, born of artistic intellect and a whacked out flare for being just plain weird emerged...That's right buddy wearing the glow"n"the dark underoos, wielding a bloodstained machete...It's me, the self proclaimed insane mage of sequential art (that's a technical term that means comic books for all you kiddies out there) Christopher Mikhail Eisert.

I am in my own mind what Legends are made of. Not because I'm cocky or some conceded jerk off artist hogging up the crack pipe. So what's your point yah say. We'll if you figured it out, your one level up and two fruits from being king.

Oh, yeah, you want to what makes me tick huh, here goes. Well I was launched from the womb ass backward (I must of been cutting some major rug in there) complicating things right from the get-go, bluer then blue and entangled in a entangling mucky mass of momma cords, sources say, it was just like an intense, cinematic time-bomb sequence. But this timer was on zero and I was out for the count. When it was all said and done that doc saved my mangy hide. Thanks DOC! Well does this explain my comic interests, role models and other valuable information about me and my self-published cult classic epic action vampire story SAINT: HEART OF THE VAMPIRE...ah no. Ok moving on...

What makes you this way, you...you FREAK?!

Growing up an 80's kid! with my crazy brothers, Jim and Mike, my equally deranged sister ( ok, to be politically correct and to the fairness to my family "C-R-E-A-T-I-V-E") and the positive push from my parents to express our true creative feeling through art and other mediums. Growing up in the 80's was a media melding pot, letting your imagination and creativity sore through an arsenal of toys, animation, movies and music. Heck, we had it made. TRANSFORMERS, G.I. JOE, HE-MAN DUNGEON& DRAGONS, BIONIC SIX...SMURFS...ok, hell gimme some leeway here...Gargamel kicked some serious ass back in the day.

When did your obsessive, compulsive need for comics and sequential art come about?

A little bit after my dismembering G.I. JOE phase. I still like to bring out that ol' dusty box of JOE's and remember there individualistic cries for their comrades. Back in the box DESTRO...the Bareness is all mine...heh, heh, eh uh mmm. ok. onward....

So when did you learn you actually had a talent other then breaking clay rocks over your head down by the river and what are your favorite comics books?

First off, It's hard to make friends in a small town. Well, drawing always came pretty naturally to me and when I found out that I could draw "jug's" as big as I wanted, believe you me, I was hooked! But once I got my head out of the sewer I found a book called "HOW TO DRAW THE MARVEL WAY" which was a very informative book, supplying me with the basic foundation of how to create sequential art. If your interested in making comics..GET IT NOW!

My favorite comics are:

* Tim Vigil's FAUST, 666 The WRATH
* The Killing Joke (the best damnedest graphic novel in the world)
* DRAGON RING
* THE LAW OF DREDD 3

Besides sleeping your life away, what types of hobbies do you have?

I like Bodybuilding, art, collecting comic books, going to comic book/sci-fi and horror conventions, going to movies and collecting DVD's.

Favorite movies beside the "special collection" hidden under you mattress...you perv!?

(scratching head, daunting a concerned worried expression) uh, mmm,

my favorites are:

* BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA
* The Game
* Robo-Cop
* ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
* FORTRESS
* THE RE-ANIMATOR

What do you like about making comic books, I betcha it's not for your lame ass paycheck?

Hey, RAMEN noodles do taste good, you just have to believe they do. Anyway (as stomach gurgles) I enjoy the whole comic book process...gurgle) From penciling to inking (gurgle, gurgle) printing to promoting (gurgle, gurgle, gurgle) also to know you made something straight out of passion, giving you a overwhelming sense of accomplishment and satisfaction to pursue your publication dreams even further. Then you realize the distributor only wants 100 copies of you book.(gurgle, gurgle, burp, fart)

So what makes your book so0o0o0o special? and furthermore, was it ever used for anything other then reading?

SAINT: HEART OF THE VAMPIRE is my baby, It is a conglomeration of thought provoking ideas, unique character design & development, created with a cinematic touch resulting in a vampire story far beyond the traditionally duller, rehashed vampires that we know of today. SAINT is an Epic in the making. A refreshingly intense tale with a stylish twist that will change the way we perceive the Vampire forever. The rules have changed and for the better.

To answer your other half of the question. Yes, when you run outta toilet paper, you gotta use something.

Future Plans for OCTOBER PRESS? And also, do you see yourself filing for bankruptcy, say in the next few weeks?

Currently, our most exciting news is that we are conducting an OCTOBER PRESS spokes model contest which several well known fitness models have entered to win a chance of becoming the live action version of St. Sistine (the vampire nun in SAINT:HOTV). You'll get to see these buff beauties on our official OCTOBER PRESS site debut soon so keep your eyes peeled. It's going to rock!

(Chris calmly answers first half of question with confidence and excitement then explodes in a fit of rage pummeling many-a-fist into interviewers face. Screen turns to white noise)

This interview has been delayed indefinitely due to interviewer's dismemberment. Sorry for the inconvenience.

---END

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